The traditional measuring system is a ruler, a pencil (preferably) and a door. Get small person to stand by door, mark height, write date. When SP next appears, do it again and compare.
Two problems with this; you can’t do it with your smaller adult friends and it is a bit dull.
But now we have the Incredible Height Chart which measures height without needing the ruler and is easily the best height chart ever. It is totally brilliant.
Bang in a nail, hang the height chart up so the bottom just touches the floor (if not, re-position the nail). Stand small person against it and then read off the height along with the interesting news that he is now as big as a chimpanzee sitting down. Or an ant eater. Who knew that Elvis was taller than an adult Gorilla ?
Since the chart goes from 1 cm (a Drawing Pin) all the way up to 195 cm, you can reliably expect all children to be featured and for every centimetre, you get an As Big As reference. Plus you get to have fun testing each other on whether Kylie is bigger than the minimum height for a Sumo wrestler.
Who is taller – Michael Jackson or Dracula ? The Hoff or a Yeti ? Marilyn Monroe or a Polar Bear on all fours ?
To find the answers to these and other fascinating questions, you need to buy one as a present. Or two because you should have one in your house.
Happy Growing Taller Season,
The Wicked Uncle as big as Dracula Team (which is mildly topical)
Ps Some Gorilla jokes:
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? You start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!..
The Gorilla dies of old age right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples’ attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lion’s den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion’s den. The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!” Suddenly a lion pounces on him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shhh, stop shouting or you’re going to get us both fired.”
A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, “Who is the king of the jungle?” and the deer replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”
The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, “Who is the king of the jungle?” and the zebra replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”
The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. “Who is the king of the jungle?” he roared.
With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, “Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer.”
