Looking for a chance to chuckle with your children this festive season? Or maybe you’re in need of some clean jokes to tell around the table on the big day? Whatever your comedy needs, we’ve got you covered! From funny one-liners to hilarious stories, here are 30+ Christmas jokes that will make you LOL.
Ready to laugh? Here we go…
1. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered.
2. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle smells.
3. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa? A Christmas quacker.
4. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
5. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes, “Ribbet, ribbet?” A mistle-toad!
6. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
7. My friend just won the Tallest Christmas Tree competition. I thought to myself, “Great. How can you top that?”
8. It was Christmas, so the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no crime,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” said the prisoner.
9. What kind of music do elves prefer? Wrap music.
10. What kind of photos do elves take for their social media? Elfies.
11. What are a Christmas tree’s favourite sweets? Orna-mints.
12. How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
13. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
14. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!
15. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
16. What is a bird’s favourite Christmas story? The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
17. A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s office complaining of a sore knee.
“A sore knee?” the doctor asked. “Have you tried icing it?”
18. When Santa is on holiday at the beach what do the elves call him? Sandy Claus.
19. What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes grass grow, sweetie.
20. Last Christmas I bought my friend a lie detector as a gift.
“Oh… I love it!” she said.
“We’ll see,” I said.
21. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They’re always dropping their needles.
22. What is Father Christmas’s favourite snack food? Crisp Pringles.
23. How much did Father Christmas pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.
24. At Christmas time, there’s nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that’s why I’m no longer a fireman…
25. Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is Presley.
26. What’s the world’s best Christmas present? A broken drum—you really can’t beat it.
27. A classic Bob Hope joke: I wanted our street to have the prettiest decorations in the neighbourhood, so I strung lit coloured balls from house to house, all the way down the block. I did all the electrical wiring myself.
If you’d like further information, just drive down Moorpark Street in North Hollywood. We’re the third pile of ashes from the corner.
28. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
29. One Christmas, a mother asked her young daughter if she could remember the names of two of Santa’s reindeer.
“Rudolph and Olive,” the young girl said.
“Rudolph and Olive?” asked the mother. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, mummy, Rudolph and Olive. Like in the song.”
“The song?” asked the mother. “What song?”
The girl sang, “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. Olive the other reindeer….”
30. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
31. I bought my son a refrigerator for Christmas. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Looking for some brilliant Christmas gifts for kids? Check out the toys and games on our website!
How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf!
