We love a joke at Wicked Uncle HQ. When you hear a good joke or a cool one-liner, it can be hard to remember it properly in order to relay it at social occasions to impress your friends. But fret not. Here are ten of our current favourite one-liners, which you can memorise and pass off as your own.
I used to be ambidextrous but I’m alright now.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their children were nothing to look at.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a rap.
Two quotation marks “walk into” a bar.
If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go.
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.
I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
If you are an astronaut and you don’t end every relationship with “I just need space” then you are wasting everyone’s time.
Do you know any good jokes? Why not Tweet us and tell us? (Keep it clean, though. Elves are sensitive creatures.)
Love these jokes? Check out the Wicked Uncle Joke Factory!
Here are a few longer jokes to finish with:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says,
“My goodness! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says,”You shouldn’t take that. You tell him off
– go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey.”
A woman goes to the local paper’s office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 pence per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, “Well then, let it read: ‘Euan Davis died’.” Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries. She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, “In that case, let it read, – ‘Euan Davis died, golf clubs for sale'”.
